behaviour
The term “Challenging Behaviour” is most often used to describe this behaviour, and so we use this term on the website as this is what people will recognise and look for. However, it is important to know that this term is misleading, as it can imply the problem is the behaviour and so puts the emphasis on the person doing the behaviour being challenging and needing to change.
Challenging behaviour refers to the set of behaviours people may display when they feel their needs are not being met. This behaviour may include hurting others, self-injurious behaviour or destructive behaviour to name just a few, and can lead to people being excluded or unable to participate in things they enjoy for their own or others’ safety.
Setting clear rules and boundaries is important for all children, including neurodivergent children – being neurodivergent does not mean your child shouldn’t have boundaries. However, it is important that these are set with Neurodevelopmentally appropriate expectations of your child. This ensures we are not expecting our child to do things they can’t do, and that we are expecting them to do things we know they are able to do in situations when they are able to do them. Also, it is particularly important that we think about our communication with our child. This helps us to make sure they know (and remember/can see) what is expected of them, and what the rules are. More importantly, good communication means we can be confident that when we are praising and rewarding our child for following the rules, that that praise is understood and is meaningful to them. Our condition specific groups for parents, available through Access Therapies, can be helpful in understanding what developmentally appropriate expectations of your child might look like, and how to apply everyday parenting strategies in a way that is understanding of your child’s differences.
Even when we know what to do, it can be challenging to set and keep clear rules and boundaries. Parenting isn’t easy, particularly when you think differently to your child, are managing your own mental and physical health needs, juggling finances, and managing work pressures. This is why parent self-care is really important. You may also find it helpful to look at our pages with links to support for Employment , Housing and financial advice and Health, Wellbeing and Connection. Our condition specific parent groups also provide space to reflect on what it is like to parent a neurodivergent child, and the thoughts and feelings this can bring up.
NHS Lothian has also produced helpful leaflets on coping with challenging behaviour using different methods:
The Solihull Approach is an excellent resource that offers training to professionals, parents, teams and organisations that work alongside children and families and focuses on emotional health and well-being. Two excellent parent workshops they offer are below which give an idea of how to understand your child depending on their age and stage (password TARTAN)
These behaviours occur when:
A person whose behaviour is challenging to others is often highly distressed, and may feel powerless, ignored, threatened or overwhelmed. Therefore, people displaying challenging behaviour are in need of help to understand and meet their needs, rather than being blamed for behaviour.
Anyone can display challenging behaviour. However, some neurodivergent people are more likely to experience the barriers that can lead to challenging behaviour, meaning some neurodivergent people may be more likely to display challenging behaviour as a result
Supporting a person displaying challenging behaviours requires everyone to consider what the person is trying to communicate with their behaviour, and find ways of anticipating and meeting the person’s needs. As such, most supports are based on the environment (and the people in it) changing, rather than trying to change the person.
The Challenging Behaviour Foundation has lots of helpful resources for parents and professionals including videos and quick help guides. They can offer help for families of children and young people with severe learning disabilities whose behaviour may challenge through practical information, support, workshops and advocacy.
Parent- Containment and Managing Challenging Behaviour created by Fife CAMHS is an online workshop providing advice on positive relationships, containment methods for emotions and helpful strategies for managing behaviour.
The Cerebra Network has a range of helpful resources and guides for parents and professionals, including one on Challenging behaviour.
It is important to consider that Challenging Behaviour can sometimes be in response to pain, especially when a person struggles to communicate when or where they are in pain. Not all challenging behaviour is a reaction to pain, but pain should always be considered as a possible cause, especially when a behaviour is new, previously associated with pain, or occurs without any clear triggers.
It may be helpful to ask your GP to see your family member to check for signs of tenderness or ill-health (such as digestive issues, ear infections, etc) and for your family member to have regular dental check-ups to identify and prevent dental pain. The Cerebra Centre also have a guide for parents how pain can affect children and their behaviour, and information on the FLACC pain scale which can help identify and measure pain in children who struggle to communicate.
If your family member’s behaviour is starting to put themselves or other people at risk of harm, please contact the Fife Social Work Contact Centre on 03451 551503. Fife Social Work are there to help families experiencing difficulties (often through no fault of their own) by identifying council or 3rd sector sources of support funding.
If your child’s behaviour is putting themselves or others at risk of serious harm right now, contact the emergency service